Last Updated on December 2, 2019 by Christopher G Mendla

I haven’t used the USPS.Com Click and ship for a while. I have a system that allows me to assign a unique password to each online site I use. However, the USPS idiot programmers decided that they would require at least one letter to be uppercase and one to be lower case. Somehow the password algo I use is not providing the correct password to access the site. Then I figured I would just reset the password.

OK..

Now I tried to get back into the site.  It has one of those asinine ‘secret questions’. ANY IDIOT WHO DESIGNS A SITE USING SECRET QUESTIONS SHOULD BE FIRED, TARRED, FEATHERED AND NEVER ALLOWED TO TOUCH A COMPUTER AGAIN. This is especially true when they refuse to give you the “Create your own question” option.

The secret question idiocy was what allowed the dirtball hacker to crack into Sarah Palin’s email account during the 2008 election.

The question that I had obviously used was “In what city were you born?” I don’t usually answer this with the correct city.. HELLO MORONS.. with just a little bit of research a drunken chimpanzee who is stoned could figure out that I was born in Philadelphia.  What other choices are there?? Uh, let’s try my Mother’s Maiden Name.. Haven’t you sponge brained zeros figured out that THERE ARE FRIGGING GENEOLOGY SITES OUT THERE WHERE YOU CAN GET THIS INFO.. Also, because of the slavic nature of that name, there are two possible spellings. (The Cyrillic alphabet has some extra Characters)

I didn’t go with “What is your favorite Pet’s Name”… I wish I could answer something like “Paris Hilton” or “The Olson Twins”.. However I DON”T HAVE NO STEENKING PET.. So, how the hell will I remember that?? Oh, by the way, people who do have pets probably have their pet’s name on facebook. Are we trying to stop hackers by having them laugh themselves to death at how ridiculously easy it is to hack a secret question. ???

Oh, they give you other choices like “What is your favorite movie?”.. HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW.. Perhaps it’s something like “Teenage alien mutant nympho cheerleaders” or “Debbie does the Moscow Circus”.. I DON”T HAVE A FAVORITE MOVIE NOR AM I GOING TO GET ONE FOR YOUR DAMN SECRET QUESTION. The only thing I can be sure of is that it wouldn’t be anything by Michael “Lardass” Moore or Al “Release my Second Chakra” Gore. That leaves something like a billion movies or perhaps one of the hundreds I have watched in my lifetime.

As far as “What is your favorite sport”… OK, great, If someone with a pulse does a simple search, they will get a pretty good idea of what to put in for that. I could get snarky and answer that one as “SEX” but any decent hacker will probably try that.

BY THE WAY.. THE SECRET QUESTION IS BAD ENOUGH BUT THE DIMWITS AT THE POST OFFICE MANAGED TO MAKE IT CASE SENSITIVE.. Do you honestly think I remember what case I used when I answered your frigging question 2 years ago???

“What is your favorite food to eat”?   What do these morons do,? Sit around in a circle jerk saying “Hey bob, wat udder dumb ass questionz can we come up wit?”  Seriously … I DON”T HAVE A FAVORITE FOOD.. I LIKE VARIETY… I could answer that one as P*ssy but I suppose some hacker would try that.. I know I would.  Oh, and why the wording “What is your favorite food TO EAT”??  Are they trying to make sure I don’t get confused with “What is your favorite food TO THROW AT POLITICIANS?” or “What is your favorite food TO PAINT”

“What is your favorite Holiday”.. OK.. I’ll bet something like over 80 percent of Christians will enter this as “Christmas” or “Xmas”.. Yep, that is going to stop a hacker… … If they have been dead and decomposing for at least two frigging years. How many stinking holidays are there??? This should take a hacker about two minutes. If I were trying to hack obama’s account I would also try things like “Lenin’s Birthday” and “May Day”.

Oh, I figured that I could just go and create a new account to try TO PRINT THE FRIGGING POSTAGE I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO PRINT FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS.. But nooooooooo  I get a message that my information is already registered and to login USING THE ACCOUNT I CAN”T GET IN TO.

So, I have to charge up the batteries in the cordless phone and try to call “Customer Service” tomorrow… I hope I get someone who has progressed beyond the vegetative state.

UPDATE 12/1/10 – I called customer service. The first person gave me another number to call. The good news is that they answered within a minute. The second person came on within about 3 minutes. 5 minutes later the password was reset and I can print postage online again…